When Nick was a month old I had to go back to work. It was hard, but we couldn’t afford to continue living on one income. The first few times I worked Nick was home with Jason. Of course I shed some tears, but I was leaving him home with Daddy. If I had to go then at least he was in the best situation. As time went on I left Nick with my mother as well as my grandparents. Eventually when Nick was 5 months old he started daycare, but the daycare is owned by Jason’s mom. I had a difficult time leaving Nick at daycare, but it always helped to know that he was with his grandma. After all of this time though I’m just not ready to leave Nick when I’m going any where that isn’t work, and especially if it requires a babysitter.
A very good friend of mine has a performance on Saturday night. Originally I thought I might get someone to watch Nick while I went, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I just couldn’t do it. I feel like I might have been able to do it if it was during the day, but I just can’t leave Nick at night time. I want to be there for his whole bedtime routine, and I can’t help but worry that he won’t sleep well if his routine isn’t the same. Yes, I admit that I am one of those obnoxious parents that worry that someone else won’t do things the “right” way. Although I do my best to let things go. Luckily for me my mom and grandparents do things our way, so I don’t have to worry with them. It certainly doesn’t help that since I’m gone so much during the work week that I don’t want to go anywhere without him when I could be spending time with him.
I know at some point I’ll be able to leave him home with a sitter, but now just won’t be the time. Way back when I never would have guessed that I would have such a hard time with this. I feel kind of bad because there are even so many people who want to watch him (Jason’s sister is ready to pay us to let her babysit), but I just can’t do it. I suppose I’ll just have to take my own baby steps until I’m at the point where I’m ready.